All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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