If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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