everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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