I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
