ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
