I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
