I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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