You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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