Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
