i jhust puked up my retainher.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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