just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
