One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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