im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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