Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
And then he peed in my hair
There's even glitter on my cock...
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