Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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