Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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