In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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