from now on my penis is your penis
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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