Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
