You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
