we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
