saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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