WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
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I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
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We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
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