none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
