U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
