I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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