you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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