Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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