So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
