I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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