dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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