I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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