Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
