last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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