I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
