There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She needs sedatives and a leash
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
