you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
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A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
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We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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