Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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