So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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