this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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