Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
