his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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