I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize