Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the day after is always just damage control
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
