hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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