I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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