You're completely useless in the revolution.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
