He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
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We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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