I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
