2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
