I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
