I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
