just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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