So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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