took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
