your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
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We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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