Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize