I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
