hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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