Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
