i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
