I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
