I wish I could teleport
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
