This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
