Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
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I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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