Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
