lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
